Tuesday, March 27, 2012

The last step...

I keep telling myself I'm going to post on here more, and just haven't got to it. Alberto has finally reached Afghanistan. I'm finding the time has begun to move along more quickly but now I have come at a loss for words. What is it one says to a man at war? Part of me wants to know nothing but that he's alright and at the same time in the back of my mind, I'm pondering whats really going on and his tasks at hand. I know I shouldn't ask though for many reasons. I suppose I will continue to tell him what we have going on and sending pictures.
I know the munchkin wants to message him but I'm not sure if at this point that's too much or not. I suppose I could always ask but maybe that's not a position I should put him in. I feel as though I'm unsure of what to or not to say all of a sudden. Its really not good I need to just keep going with our conversations as if he was still here.
All I know is this is the last step to his return home and that is a great feeling.

Tuesday, December 20, 2011


You would think at some point things would have to calm down, but alas they haven't. Work seems to be getting crazier and its not that we're busy but that a few of the people at work seem to just be into stirring things up and causing problems. Customers are starting to complain and of course the people being complained about think its not them even though they are mentioned by name or that its a joke or hilarious. I'm not sure how in any manner things going to corporate as a negative mark are in any way hilarious. Its come to a point were silence is all we have at work cause its the only way that things seem to work.

Home is well...the same. For some reason my father can't seem to get it in his head that he doesn't live there for free and that it doesn't matter that I have bills the bills are higher when there is an extra body in the house, especially when that extra body seems to think the heater needs to be up to 75 at all times cause using a blanket is just something unheard of apparently. Not to mention now he got a vehicle from someone and thinks I need to register it and license it in my name cause he doesn't want to have to switch his license and plates over from Arizona. Well I've got news for you, you live in a different state now its been almost three years since you came here get off your ass and switch your things over!! I will not take the responsibility of you or your shit any longer!! A move to Syracuse is needed to be in the works and soon and he will NOT be coming with us. I can't take anymore of this. It was suppose to be a two week visit seven years ago and here I am still babysitting yet somehow he thinks he's helping me out which is just....well I have no words for what it is seeing as how he pays for nothing and does nothing but cause me stress and my child to not have her own room.

Still no word yet from Alberto. I'm not sure if I should even expect it or just continue to count the days until his return and hope for the best. Some days seem to go by so quickly that I hardly notice and others drag and seem as if its already been lengthy time since hes been gone. I guess I can just hope that it continues as it has, keep my head up and press on as I had planned and set forth.

Tuesday, December 13, 2011

I'm sorry, you want me to what?!

Suddenly it seems as if every day has some new challenge and that my quiet life has gone to pass for now. Hopefully as the holidays pass the quiet exsistence I once had will return.
 A few days ago I was at work and received a very strange phone call from a man asking for a women by my name, well there are two of us at work so I questioned which women he was looking for. With further information I discovered he was looking for me and asked how I could help him.  The conversation then took an interesting turn as he proceeded to ask personal questions such as who I live with, what my rent amount is and a few other questions that are in no way his business. As he finally got around to what his point was he told me basically that he can't afford his bills thinks that I should move in with him and take care of them for him! I'm sorry...what? Would you run that by me again?!
Yes, a complete stranger, well stranger to me at least, he apparently has been following me around, thinks that I should move in and pay his bills. WOW! Of course I tried to politely tell the crazy man on the other end of the phone that wasn't going to happen and get off the phone as fast as possible. He became very upset that I didn't like his idea and even more upset that I wouldn't take down his name and phone number in case as he put it changed my mind. Um yeah not going to happen!!! He needs to go get a job and some mental help.  I really don't think that the crazy man would do anything to harm me or Mariana, but it's definitely something I will have to now be more cautious about especially with him living not far from us. I have no idea how he knows my name, where I work, what I drive, where I live, or anything for that matter but he does and even said no one told him any of it, so I would have to go with stalking. I know that seems harsh but I find it odd for him to know so much and not only that but to be driving past my house multiple times a day for the last two weeks. I made it very clear that the police would be called and stalking charges would be pressed if he contacted me again or continues to go by my house. All I can do is hope its enough to keep him away and that he really won't do anything harmful.
Who knew living in such a small town could be so dramatic.

Tuesday, December 6, 2011

Silently Waiting.

As the week as past I stand strong in my path I've chosen. The silence has begun to set in and I wonder if the memories and conversations of the past, and looking forward to the hopes of the future are all I will have for now.
The anxiety that I dealt with before is now gone and a calm, collected happiness is in its place. Its as if expressing my true feelings was the only release I needed. The thoughts of those around me are but distant mumbles. Who are they to decide what is right for me or what I should or shouldn't do?
The days that I feel lost with out you are the days I know I'll struggle with. To feel as though I have no clue what I'm doing or which way is up is the hardest part. Hopefully those days will be few and far between. I'm sure with time I'll learn to deal with it, but that it will never go away.
As much as the days of silence are hard to deal with, I'm excited to know the countdown to your return is now here. Each day is one less in the wait, one closer to being in your arms again.

Tuesday, November 22, 2011

Facing Fear.

Two years have passed since I expressed my thoughts in ink. As the seasons have changed, so have I, allowing the past just to be. With a turn of a new page, as always life's lessons are in perpetual motion.

A few months ago I met Alberto. For the first time I have allowed myself to become completely unguarded. As I have learned in life having up walls is much more beneficial to all, yet this is different....He is different. From the first moment its all been so easy, well after we actually managed to speak to one another and not just stare. With him there are no walls, no holding back. Normally I analyze and second guess everything, there are few people in my life I don't do that with. I'm aware of all the risks of not having walls up and that I may fall flat on my face, normally the fear of that would set it. This time the fear isn't there. There's something about him that calms me down, something that just takes my breath away.

With all things of course there is always a downside, Alberto's downside really isn't bad at all. Complicated but what in life can't be. He's in the military and being deployed to Afghanistan. In a week I will be making a trek most won't stay for. One more of life's lessons. Choosing to wait hasn't even been a hard decision for me, really it was no choice at all, why wouldn't I stay and wait it out?

Sadly another of life's lessons has presented itself to me. People are shallow and insecure on so many levels, the vast majority of the people that know about him have all told me they wouldn't wait and that I too shouldn't. Of course, this is me where talking about so I really don't care what they would or wouldn't do. My mind is made up and I will be here criticism and all, after all its my life. Of course some of the people are so pressing on what they want me to do instead of living their own lives and being supportive an for that I have chose to leave them out of my life for the time being and possibly on a permanent basis.

Lessons of life just keep coming in full force. Friendships have been found to not be true and have been terminated. For me to support and stand by the sides of people just to be cut down, talked down to, and undermine is wrong. No one will ever agree completely with the actions or choices of those around you, but I refuse to have anyone around who will always be a negative influence or try to bring me down just cause they aren't happy in their own life. Misery loves company...well they need to find new company cause I refuse to partake any longer.