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Tuesday, November 22, 2011

Facing Fear.

Two years have passed since I expressed my thoughts in ink. As the seasons have changed, so have I, allowing the past just to be. With a turn of a new page, as always life's lessons are in perpetual motion.

A few months ago I met Alberto. For the first time I have allowed myself to become completely unguarded. As I have learned in life having up walls is much more beneficial to all, yet this is different....He is different. From the first moment its all been so easy, well after we actually managed to speak to one another and not just stare. With him there are no walls, no holding back. Normally I analyze and second guess everything, there are few people in my life I don't do that with. I'm aware of all the risks of not having walls up and that I may fall flat on my face, normally the fear of that would set it. This time the fear isn't there. There's something about him that calms me down, something that just takes my breath away.

With all things of course there is always a downside, Alberto's downside really isn't bad at all. Complicated but what in life can't be. He's in the military and being deployed to Afghanistan. In a week I will be making a trek most won't stay for. One more of life's lessons. Choosing to wait hasn't even been a hard decision for me, really it was no choice at all, why wouldn't I stay and wait it out?

Sadly another of life's lessons has presented itself to me. People are shallow and insecure on so many levels, the vast majority of the people that know about him have all told me they wouldn't wait and that I too shouldn't. Of course, this is me where talking about so I really don't care what they would or wouldn't do. My mind is made up and I will be here criticism and all, after all its my life. Of course some of the people are so pressing on what they want me to do instead of living their own lives and being supportive an for that I have chose to leave them out of my life for the time being and possibly on a permanent basis.

Lessons of life just keep coming in full force. Friendships have been found to not be true and have been terminated. For me to support and stand by the sides of people just to be cut down, talked down to, and undermine is wrong. No one will ever agree completely with the actions or choices of those around you, but I refuse to have anyone around who will always be a negative influence or try to bring me down just cause they aren't happy in their own life. Misery loves company...well they need to find new company cause I refuse to partake any longer.